“Tell me, Doctor, what do you think of Quantum Light Weaving?” my patient recently asked me.
“What do I think of what now?”
“Quantum Light Weaving.”
“You’re putting me on, right?” My patients know I will usually express my opinion on most things that are wacky and some of them try to get me to take their bait.
“No, it’s a real treatment. I saw it when I was in California.”
“You’re setting me up for a blog post, right?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Have you heard of it?”
Well, to be honest, I hadn’t heard of it. I was almost certain it was something made up and silly. Light weaving? Really, now? I have a friend who was a pretty serious weaver for a while. I was nearly certain she used wool and fabrics. Very, very rarely would she weave pure energy or electrons. Nope, something didn’t smell quite right. I promised to investigate and get back to this sweet young patient with an opinion.
I performed my usual deep level of research which can be partly reproduced for you by clicking this link. I learned some amazing facts — and by “amazing” I mean “silly” and by “facts” I also mean “silly.” Quantum Lightweaving is, according to the experts (“salespeople”) “an evolving and ever-expanding body of work that is bringing forth new aspects of spiritual work that embodies The Christos energy from the heart of Creation itself. The vibration is brought forth to this earth and Galaxy through The Council of 14 and your personal healing and support team of masters and angels.”
Okidokie then. We’re got ancient Christian and presumably Last Supper stuff mixed with galaxy energy and personal support teams of masters and angels. Hell, I can’t even put together a team that includes a decent plumber, how am I going to get an angel on such short notice?
Have no fear! Your personal guide is Kenji who teaches you “how to be a miracle man, miracle woman, miracle kid and miracle pet.” Miracle pet, huh? Whoa. Deep, dude. And for only $25 to $50 there is an assortment of attunements you can download right to your computer. You can even use your mystical Paypal account! Let the miracles begin!
Well it all makes sense when you learn that “when we align through the meditative state, or “hook-up,” miracles beyond time and space and distance can occur in the twinkling of an eye.” Wait…hook-up? Do they really use “hook-up” to describe a state of being? How is your hook-upedness today? I am attempting to achieve the 9th level of hookopcity. Can I hook up my angels to my masters? Do I need a special adapter? Will that create a miracle pet? Will my miracle pet still puke on the carpet?
“Lightweaving affects all 144,000 dimensions of your being, or the 12 major levels of your embodiment.” Awesome. Lately, I have only sensed like 120,000 dimensions but I thought it was just the weather. I feel enlightened. I feel empowered. I have seen the quantum light show and now know the true answer. Quantum Lightweaving is…just…another magical way to separate people from their money.